Little rant, I needed to get it out of my head because I couldn’t speak it out loud. I don’t speak hurtful dark things, instead I turn it into poetry or paintings. You’re welcome for turning your shittyness into something beautiful.
Yeah that’s nice, rant at me for things you don’t even know about.
Sure you’re sick, you got a scare, welcome to the real world.
Thanks for never caring about anything or anyone before this.
You know why I don’t say hi?
Because I hate it here and I hate the company I’m in.
Almost died? Give me a break please.
You’re so closed off to the world, to modern science, to technology, so ignorant that you lose your shit over something more than half the population I’m sure has had to go through.
You wonder why I don’t feel or care that you’re crying? Because I just don’t care. Because no one cares or asks anything about me. There isn’t a single time I can remember feeling loved or supported by this family.
When was the last time you ever listened to what I had to say?
When did you ever support me?
And you are trying to say that there is wrong that I’m doing?
No, you brought this on yourself.
I don’t give my love or affection easily.
This Family is supposed to be more important than a friend? No, not when my friends are the only ones there for me and this family would abandon me given the chance.
A friend I’ve only known for a short time has done more for me than you have all my life.
And without my friends I would have offed myself long ago because this family is hell.
I’m suffocated here, in a dense unbearable fog of negative energy and depression.
That’s fine. Say what you need to say and get it out. It’s not like you’ve ever tried to understand anyone else’s point of view in your life before.
I’ll be the person who keeps there mouth shut and won’t say hurtful ignorant things.
I’ll be the one who grins and bares it.
I’ll be the one who walks away.
I don’t care about your physical pain.
Because the pain I feel emotionally is more unbearable than anything physical.
No I’m not selfish. But for you to ask me to suddenly to start caring? That’s pretty selfish.
I have be alone through this whole life of mine, only having myself to take care of myself.
Where were you? You were complaining and hating and living inside yourself and looking down on me and telling me how things were going to be, before I could decide for myself.
Why did I come home unmoving for your pain? Why am I unsympathetic? Because I have apathy for you not empathy. Because I’ve been suffering and it hasn’t ever mattered. It shouldn’t have to take a scare or an illness or a surgery or whatever for you to want people to care.
Because when I came home with nothing left, nothing in my heart, no will to live, broken and beaten, no one here had any empathy or sympathy. I got the hard truth of the world. That everyone only cares for themselves.
I was turned away.
No one cared.
So don’t act surprised when I do the same.
Because this heart doesn’t forget the hurt inflicted on it.
Those scars don’t fade easily.
Ps. Happy birthday to me, thanks for never remembering.
Rant by me