Vivid afterthoughts

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Depression

Pushed back
Pulled in
I open up
Pushed back again
Further this time
What have I done
Trying to get closer
Ends up being farther
I can’t discern
What is right to do
A heart that doesn’t learn
Bleeding out for nothing
Exposed and weak
Helplessly grabbing hold
Something
Anything
Quiet stillness
Feeling like giving up
Giving in
To drowning in content waters
No more struggle
Fighting is useless
I want to kick and scream
Tense muscles relax
Sadness
Eyes waning
Taken over by quiet
Give up
Give in
Everything is not alright

Fidgeting
Fighting the complacent
Ignoring the problems
Running forward
Slow down
Lose momentum
Losing motivation
Can’t sit still
Sparks inside
Swirling stomach
Too much energy
Much more sadness
Wanting something stable
Someone stable
Just be there
Run along side me
Don’t run away
Can’t catch up
A weight at my knees
A wetness in my eyes
Opportunities pass by
Can’t grab ahold of anything
Everything moves too fast
Slow motion
You leave me behind
I’m anxious
Can’t comprehend
Everything is not alright

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

I take you with me

Filled with thoughts of your taste

cigars on your lips

breathe in deep, recalling our kiss

melting into you

Our bodies close, I am full

Mouth smiling sweet motions

Warm cheeks, tongues dancing

Sleepy eyes,

like glistening stained glass

Bright morning sun, hands clasped

Feet exploring, baby haired skin

You are my green of the world

Thinking of the vibrancy of life

Breathe in my words,

Hold them in your teeth

I take thoughts of you with me

smile at me, beautiful girl

Our lips meet

I wonder..

I still wonder
How your family is doing
Are your grandparents well?

And I miss
The jokes your brother made
And your cousins laugh

I think about
You crying
And it still breaks my heart

How is it possible
To still care if you’re okay?

I wonder if this is one sided
But I never want to find out
Because it wouldn’t change
Anything at all

I’m in love with this girl I met
She’s my world now

It’s so different from yours
But I love my new family
It’s broken and it’s warm

I feel more welcome than ever
With you I was displaced

No matter how hard
I wanted to belong to you
I still wonder

Do you still love that young girl?
And does your new girl suffer
The way I did

Does her heart break everyday
Knowing she’ll never be as good

Or did you finally replace
That part of your heart
You’d given to someone else

Thanks to you
I’ll never do to anyone
The things you did to me

I still wonder
If you know how much I loved you
Or realize no one else
Could ever take my place

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

Lost in fleeting thoughts

While sitting in traffic
My true feelings surface
Why do I want to call you?
What would I say..
I wanted to hear your voice
I’ve almost forgotten it now
What would you say?
You never text
Unless you want something
I reject the way you treat me
Knowing I would have done anything
To make you stay before
Even go through more pain
It makes my stomach turn
Remembering I felt that way
Such disregard for myself
And it all meant nothing in the end
I wanted you to know
It’s not okay.
And it never will be
You don’t get to walk away
Unscathed and free of guilt
You took a piece of me
That I’ll never get back
So stop pretending
Like you didn’t destroy someone
Or like I won’t always love you.

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

Good Morning

Good morning,
love of my life,
I hope when you wake up
that you’re smiling from reading this, because every second of every minute that goes by in the day,
thoughts of your voice
or the way your arms feel around me, make me smile,
and take a deep breath,
as if I could breath in
these thoughts of you,
and keep them in my lungs
just a few seconds longer,
I have fallen for you
All of myself,
I’ll give to you.

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

May 7

Moving forward

Unbearable sadness,
It feels like a heavy blanket,
Slowly being drawn over my head
Blinding me of my senses
Telling me not to feel
Trapping me in my memories
Of all the hurt
Reminding me
That I shouldn’t be happy
Suffocating my sense of hope
And yet it’s a comforting blanket
Shielding me from possible pain
Of the hurt of past mistakes
So I’ll fear stepping into the light
And be safe in the darkness
Never moving forward or changing,
This is no way to live.
You scare me.
Make me want to hide
And succumb to this sadness
Go back to my own company
But I’m too damn curious
To see how much more hurt
There could ever possibly be
Maybe I’ll regret it
Or maybe I’ll thank myself
For not withering away
Under that blanket of darkness.
I want to feel you
In every way

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

For Kansas

Why do I get so upset
For people I’ve never even met

I wish I could take it all away
The pain and the memories

I wish there was something to do
Even though
I probably mean nothing to you

I’m not strong enough
To take care of my own pain
But if it’s yours
I’d carry it twice the same

No one should have to go through
Everything you’ve had to
I know this because I’m like you
I did what I had to do

Buried the hurt deep inside
Kept on living when I felt like I died
Had no purpose other than pain
The saddest people understand real shame

Living just because you’re told to
By your own choice, you’d start new
Hope for a better world out there
There must be one somewhere

I feel for you as I sit here alone
I want to talk to you on the phone
Better yet see you in front of me
Then somehow I’d set you free

Distance makes the worst heartache
I don’t care we’ve never met face to face

If we ever do
I swear I’ll comfort you

You’ve captured me without trying
I’m sorry, but I’m honestly not lying

You’re worth it in my eyes, beautiful
All that pain I was meant to hold

©Carrie Kraszewski 2014

Mar 3
skimlines:

lol that murderous look on Link’s face. Hungry to murder pots.

Hahaha

skimlines:

lol that murderous look on Link’s face. Hungry to murder pots.

Hahaha

(Source: the-mysterious-cheese-thief)

Mar 1
fireflyca:

bookishbutcorruptible:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

Douglas Adams is the best at describing EVERYTHING:
"He pounded his steering wheel, kicked the floor, thumped his cassette player until it suddenly started playing Barry Manilow, thumped it until it stopped again, and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore."

fireflyca:

bookishbutcorruptible:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

Douglas Adams is the best at describing EVERYTHING:

"He pounded his steering wheel, kicked the floor, thumped his cassette player until it suddenly started playing Barry Manilow, thumped it until it stopped again, and swore and swore and swore and swore and swore."

(Source: kimkangaskhan)

Mar 1

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.

- Anne Lamott, Bird By Bird (via quotethat)

I love this